Monday, September 7, 2009

my time for healing... work work work

At five in the morning I had cried my salty tears and listened to my healing music and then turned my burden over to my higher power. My daughter is in pain but she is not taking responsibility for herself and realizing Truth is a strong healing force. Recognition of our/my failures were part of my growing into my adulthood. Now I need to step back and center myself and take a very deep breath...breathe in the serenity. I am hopeful she can find her way and let us be close once again. I am not smart enough to know why this happens from time to time...ten years ago I felt as if the tie could never be renewed. She is not happy and in pain but until she realizes the "victim role" will inhibit any true growth. I fell into the trap last night in my despair by asking "why" and that will do no more than a thump on my hard head in accepting what I can and can not do. I need to make better choices and be there when the healing begins, I know this is the most difficult process but I know separation and time is what I need. Thank you dear friends for emailing me in a private supportive manner and tomorrow is already looking anew.

I rested and then went out for some special art supplies to make a dear man a special gift. Luckily or was it fate...I ran into old friends and found sunshine on a stormy rainy Monday. I found drastic clearance buttons for some of my projects, a couple of "bootiful "...remnants to continue my funky aprons and playful process. I bought some incredible Derwent metallic pencils to use in my journals and I got to use a 50% off coupon. Ken had gone out to play gold...his spiritual commune with Nature and dear friends. Even though he came home with a rain check he needed to get out and release from his pain. We had comfort food for dinner and sugar free jello and little by little his sugar diet is helping to lower the frightening numbers of his sugars levels. He returns to our family doctor on Friday so we will continue to learn as much as possible about diabetes and modify our healthy approach to live every day to the very best.

I love You-tube!!! I watched several tutorials last night from mixed media artists who were so willing to share their approach in creating journals; adding layers and textures; different products to try and some how-to's in problem solving some obstacles others have previously experienced. I just have to limit my time...I could go on now for hours and not really WORK on my projects. I end up in comedy, music, political blogs and well just about anything. You-Tube makes it so easy to go from one subject to the next. I honestly did not think I could get so addicted but be careful so you don't fall into the trap. Maybe it is because I am not disciplined enough but there are moments when the FUN gets in the way. I am going to work and tonight I am enjoying the rolling thunder outside. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

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