I had a visit with a dear friend who happens to be one of my doctors and we both agreed healing is so much more than a science. The human touch of a hand upon a patients body when there is visible fear and pain and sometimes learning to just be there to listen with an open heart. The time we take to care is the time we employ to heal our heart's spirit as we age. The gift is that we are still here to walk in the clear sunshine and have others to share our dreams and visions with here on earth. I am learning so many things by being home with my family and my art...I will always do my best but never again will I give a job my all. I miss my artist friends who came in quietly to ask or share their uncertainties and possibilities in their art journey. I miss seeing the little ones who come in the gallery in a state of awe and would witness a process that many adults would walk right by and not notice. I miss Thursday concerts with "Frosty Morning" in the central gallery and their energy they generously gave to all who would walk through the door. I miss the Take Fives Fridays and working with the Works in maintaining a connection in our exhibits and family networks. I have learned so much with the other curators and their vision has widen my lenses and I appreciate being included in the gentle progression into the future. Today I am more centered and able to make different decisions for where I would like to have my work grow. I am volunteering in a different capacity and making my art in Licking County quietly preparing for a narrative story that is personal and holds some quiet secrets of women who have come before me. These women, some are anonymous and some you might recognize as you walk into the collection of heart songs. They are anointed with a prayerful attempt in making some sense of the lives we are struggling to live to the fullest. My works are a very slow progression of revelations of the gifts I have been so blessed to receive. One stitch at a time with the grace and fortitude to stay the course daily focusing being true to my heart's journey.
As I prepare for tomorrow's schedule of doctor's visit and election day and a trip downtown for Curious Tuesdays with my grandchildren and a quick bite to eat before they head home for nap time....then I will probably take a nap myself!
I am re-reading Kath Walker's "The Dawn is at Hand"...her book of poems first published in 1964 and I discovered while I was in Australia back in 1993. Kath communicates the frustrations of Aborigines living in a white world and she believes justice will prevail even as she admits an impatience with the slow progress. She has an incredible way of writing about the dispossessed and lost invisible aboriginal tribes attempting to regain their own grace and culture. In her return to Nature she discovers an authentic realization for self pride with hope for recognizing racism and the seeds of destruction racism spreads. "Time is running out" is a poem where we realize we are all one tribe on this planet earth with a religious fervent effort to seek and find balance. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart
I'm glad you have such wonderful memories of your "other" life. It sounds as if what ever has created this change in your life, it's a good thing. Being balanced is good. Being able to listen to the day is good. Reaching out and thinking about others is always good. Creating makes your soul sing. You, my dear, are full of song. :)Bea
ReplyDeleteThank you Bea for your kind understanding. I am not sure that those who say they know me and the situation have a handle on my sense of loss. It took a long time to come to my growing understanding of myself and seeking to find balance...at least for a moment. The little dog is Rosie...she is with me as a guardian angel as I work on my sacred marks. Imagine Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart
ReplyDeleteHi Mary Helen. I am sad that you had to quit your beloved gallery job. How quiet and still that place must feel, with your amazing joy not present there. But you nurtured it along, and those taking your place will strive to fill your shoes, tho they really can't. Still, I'm sure you raised the bar and they'll work toward your level of inspired interaction.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me think of how sad I was when I stopped being Eva's nanny. I'm still sad about it, but I had to quit and get my own life balanced again. Your joy is so overflowing, the world will feel it, one way or another! So now it goes more into your family and your artmaking, but it's still gonna flow out uninhibited! You are a National Treasure! We all know that! Thanks for taking good care of yourself. Love, your friend, Susi
Some very thought provoking words you have here, Mary Ellen.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for visiting me and your lovely comments.