Friday, November 5, 2010

My heart is heavy tonight...

I am totally aware that our lives are a finite amount of time here on this earth. After six decades I am painfully aware that when I open my heart up to love a spirit in one I know I will have to say farewell in the future. Today I said my goodbye to a Kansas Lady who befriended a Kentucky Lady over 15 years ago and held my heart in her laughter and generous smiles. I will miss your warmth and the lunches we shared in the central gallery...laughter and good memories with childhood stories of our lives before we came to Ohio. She was a true Lady and never turned down an opportunity to promote the powers of education for women of all social backgrounds. I will honor you my Christine every day when I make my life as an artist who happens to be a woman, wife, mother and find a way to give back to my family, community and my world. Our recipes for vegetable soup and special breads will be an aromatic wave from my dear Kansas Lady.

I went to the Grandparents luncheon today...but due to technical difficulties and time schedules I missed having lunch with my little Hannah...she is still not feeling up to par. Sabrina was not at the registration table but helping others in her school so we ended on a private tour of her library , the different classrooms, and the Principal's office. We could not go outside for the recess due to security and supervision provisions. I did find Maya classroom and spent time at the reading table to listen to their individual stories. These young writers were somewhat shy and supportive of each other as the circle of readers completed the assignment. We then rushed down to the cafeteria/gymnasium/stage for chicken McNuggets, overcooked broccoli, fruit cocktail, whole wheat bread and a cookie and chocolate milk. I realize this menu is an improvement but I would rather pack a lunch than eat this for $3.00 just might be the only meal a child might receive that day but I do wish we could prepare a higher quality meal for our children.

I went to the studio and met with a prospective jeweler... but somehow I need to advise this person to stretch to create the most unusual and desirable product for the patrons coming in to shop. I am slowly learning I want to reevaluate my goals and focus so that I have more time to make my own works. I realize I have made most of the rent funds and only a minute amount from contributing artists in the first three months. I know the economy is struggling so why do artists feel they should receive huge prices for their works today. The money cannot be the total force behind making the marks... or do I have it all wrong? I made sure my space was cleared enough to get the snowmen started on Monday and left before the auction began...$30.00 a couple seemed a bit stiff for my budget right now so I will continue to discover ways to contribute to the community in other transactions and compensations.

I realize as I am typing this I am so sad ... and maybe this is the blue haze covering my day's thoughts and actions. Tears are still burning in my eyes so tomorrow I will start over and make a day for my mother in law who is 90!!! I need my quiet calm moments and my quiet calm movements to heal my heart. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

Families are the answer... I have to remember to give to my family. Sounds simple doesn't it.


  1. Difficult times will pass and you are right to give yourself time to grieve for your friend. Prayers are with you all.

  2. Hi Mary - I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your best friend. I do hope that you seek solace in remembering the fabulous times you both had together. My heart goes out to you.

  3. I am sorry for the loss of your friend.

  4. Let me hold your hand and we can drink tea together while I tell you a story. Yesterday morning, at the grocery store I was walking by the meat counter when I FELT my dear MIL's presence near me, whispering in my ear, "Oh, look at those beautiful short ribs, let's make soup."
    I hadn't planned on making soup.
    I bought the short ribs.
    All day yesterday, as they simmered on the stove and I puttered in the kitchen I talked to Virginia, my MIL. I laughed, giggled as "we" remembered silly things that had happened in the kitchen or life.
    When Zeus got home he asked me why I was so happy and I told him I spent the day with his mother making soup.
    We live in a time where our culture has made it almost impossible for us to feel the presence of those on the other side of the veil. We are frowned upon for "pretending" that we can hear them or see them. We are told me are "sick" in one way or another to even believe that they are with us, on a daily basis, simply a pat on the shoulder away.
    I had a glorious day making vegetable soup with my MIL. I know, for a fact, in my own reality that she is in a far more beautiful place than here. As, too your friend. Make soup with her someday. Love, :)Bea

  5. So sorry for your loss Mary Helen. I hope that you will find comfort in happy memories and feel the closeness of your friend. Be good to yourself. xx

  6. It is always sad to say good bye to a friend, a loved one. Only time can heal a bit our hearts :o/
    Sorry for your loss.

  7. I father in law had it right, when his old friend just passed away, and he told my mother in law,
    we made too many friends'. Yes, we all know the day will come when we have to say goodbye, but what blessing to have known them and had them in our lives, that is eternal...