Good morning...yes I know I should be sleeping...

Tonight I visited Judy Wilkenfeld's amazing blog at Rev Velvet. She is the guardian of ancestral spirits and has discovered a story yet untold of a military class back in 1941. Yes, it will take at least 30 minutes to witness her sacred marks recreating the images and dialogues between these young me during the regime under Mao. It is totally a miracle that these photos and writings survived...any found books were burned and if discovered the owners were tortured and executed because Mao did not want any evidence of a culture before he came into power. The black and white photos show young men, cleared eyes with hope and promise about their future and this private correspondence is authentic in their admiration and love for one another as brothers sharing a global crisis. Judy found these remnants in an antique store in Sidney, Australia ...that alone is a real miracle and I have the greatest praise for her dedication to keep the images together with authentic fibers and presentation in this sacred book assemblage. I think you will need a cup of tea... a quiet moment... a give yourself permission to be drawn in to her voice ...telling the story that would have been forgotten without the providence and persistence Judy has provided to all who visit her words and images. Thank You Judy...this is a work of beauty and you have shared with the world. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

Tonight is my weekly injection ceremony...I have trouble getting to sleep but I know tomorrow will be better...good night sweet friends.

the power of my intuition...learning to listen with my heart...

I have searched on the internet for a special wax melter tool I want to use on my layering processes with my fabrics...I finally ordered a catalog for art teachers from Nasco...I was told that they have a connection for this required tool... a contemporary batik tool that can be safely used by all. I spent time in the studio searching for some of the sheer fabrics I have been collecting for use with a new transfer product recommended by Lesley Riley who has perfected a transfer method using a mixed media sheet called Lutradur and I can purchase it directly from JoAnne's. My intuition is guiding my hands to stretch my techniques and skills...I am trying to create a transparency effect with my women. Many times this is a an experimental "try and try again" intuitive method where I am finding even my mistakes are interesting...but somewhat expensive for my budget. Wish me luck!

Be sure to check out the Altered Page... 16th Secret Sunday post that will guide you to some new artists and processes that will delight your keen sense of artistic enjoyment. Seth has created an incredible journey that we all can take with one week...one step at a time and explore new horizons to enjoy. Seth also has an article in Cloth Paper Scissors for March/April 2010 and as soon as I can find a place to buy my copy I will report more to you on this generous artist sharing his wisdom and process.

I have been busy researching the movement of the first Aboriginal painters who painted their bodies and their sacred caves to now creating their visual narratives onto a canvas surface to be cherished and "read" in our museums...their journeys have been forgotten until recently but with the help of a few foresighted individuals who recognized the genius in their very sacred visual language. The genesis of this Australian Aboriginal culture is one of my primary focuses with the civil rights movements with Kath Walker...religious freedom to recognize their beliefs tied to the Earth...the survivors of the great kidnapping of the mixed raced children stolen from their homes and parents and the journey they walked back to their mothers by way of the Rabbit Proof Fence. I have to be careful not to lose track of time ...but could easily get lost in this thesis of recognition of these traditional tribes.

I have to get back to moving some of my materials back upstairs to my studio...Ken is beginning to get our 2010 Taxes...this is always a very tense time for me and I am so grateful that Ken works with accountants that keep reminding me I need to make money to call this a profession. But all I can think about is how the funds in Washington,DC are depleted every day for a war I feel no one can possibly win and still we do not have Health care for everyone in the United States of America. Is anyone listening out there? Yes I paid off my adjusted hospital bills from 2008 but now a collection agency is calling for the bills I am behind for 2009. Now in two weeks I will under go another somewhat experimental procedure on the 17th...how in the hell can I keep up? I do have insurance but it is never enough...oh well another story for a later time. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

Three days in a row.... beautiful sunshine

I met my daughter for lunch and we enjoyed our act of running away...and enjoying a big girl lunch just me and her! She could not be comfortable going to a movie and I do understand the pull of returning home to care for Ryan and the girls. We laughed...discussed our daily schedules...upcoming commitments... Maya Rose's star role in her Drama club's annual production on the 16th... Dad's possible new challenges...life in general. "It is a happy talent to know how to play." Ralph Waldo Emerson I want my children as adults to be responsible but still maintain a sense of play... never let the the routines get you down and always look up.

I picked up my pal Rosie at the dog groomer and she has a Dutch girl haircut that she is sporting...$34.00 for her grooming treatments and I go to Walmart for my sensible haircut at the price of $14.99. Who is really Top Dog in this relationship? Her puppy cut is so easy to maintain and is easier for a fast clean up but I do hope the worst of winter's winds have subsided...she certainly does not dawdle when Nature calls. :o)

I am continuing my re-exploration of Wabi Sabi...metaphysical, spiritual, moral principles, come from ideas about Simplicity, naturalism, and acceptance of reality. Maybe that is why I am fascinated in the discovery of hand blended teas and their properties...creating a simple tea ceremony for myself...taking time to share with Ken...and gradually slowing down the noise of chaos in our daily lives. I found time to celebrate the bright sunshine and clear blue skies. The air was crisp but I am on a quiet search to find if my daffodils have sprouted up from the frozen earth on the hillside...real affirmation for the Springs promise of beauty and aesthetics from the soil's womb. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

Gratitude for my gift of today...

I met with the curator of my pending exhibits gallery for lunch and we began the finalization of our countdown to the installation and opening of my exhibit. Lynne is a wonderful woman and has an enormous job on her plate. She has delivered a diverse selection of artists and their visions to our community. She works with the outreach program with youths dealing with issues, foster homes, drug and alcohol involvement, single parent home with the parent struggling with making ends meet or the loss of a job. Then Lynne opens a new door and shows them a way through making their voices heard by the processes in making Art. I want to give Lynne my very best work and support her in her role as a positive force in the evolution of our life and families of my beloved Newark.

Woo-Hoo! I was working in my studio tonight and found my beloved Wabi_Sabi book for artists, designers, poets and Philosophers. Re turning to this precious books after an interval where I worked outside my studio in the gallery to now when I am renewing my sense of self. I once again realize with the loss of my beloved job...I always said I had the best job in the whole world... I now have a new self directed focus of my time and energies. I do what I can to support everyone on the small art scene here but now I volunteering where I know my energies will promote a continuing rebirth of making the Arts visible and supporting the artists who are courageous enough live in the act of creation. Wabi-Sabi is a beauty of things imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete...it is a beauty of things modest and humble...it is a beauty of things unconventional. This spiritual path is a way of life that supports the visions and sacred marks we as artists affirm to make each day. I began a small assemblage tonight ...it is a raw beginning and yet just "doing it" energized my hands to keep moving forward... I love putting bits and pieces together to tell a story with layers to unveil as each viewers experiences guide their individual interpretation. I am making small simple things that move inward in my soul and hopefully invite the viewer to come closer and listen to my whispers and hear my echoes of the women speaking to me now.

I received a funny email tonight...No one loses anything, that eventually come back...and usually comes back bigger, better, and zippier. Have a quiet night and reflect on the gifts we all have received in our lives. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

I think the thaw has begun....

Today there was a foreign object on my horizon...
the bluest sky opened up this morning...
a cathedral began to crystallize ...radiate...reflect...aa new beginning slowly unfolding
I can see small shadows dancing on the hillside as if a ballet was performed just for my pleasure...
the ice crystals are like jewels...free for a day trip for daydreaming and seeing the cracks in the cold veil splintering...
the light is breaking through the darkness from the winter's cloak...
I can feel the change
I expect miracles
I see miracles
I am a miracle
Still Here.

The ground is unveiling my hidden objects under the snow mounds...my own wabi-sabi is taking place and there is a beauty in the progression of rust painting it's voice in on the disintegration of a metal surface. My coffee pot from 1950' has shown very little transition in it's surface design elements. I want to create a metal mixed media sculpture of a woman... I won't say how this will be completed but honestly I am enjoying the exploration of using unfamiliar materials. The collagraph materials are coming together ...I still have issues with how will I print my final series of maybe three if I am lucky. I do know where there is a small press in Granville and maybe I will be able to use it on both my fabrics and papers.

Tomorrow I am meeting with the curator for the gallery to begin to finalize plans for the last three months before ...when I say this out loud I feel fear creeping in. I remember to tell myself...."Do the work...daily and the rest will follow" I feel as if I am revealing my own unveiling of self...raw...fragile... and frail. It is worth the risk. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

the face study of my daughter...

I met my daughter at the hospital this morning at 6:30 am to just be there while her husband has his hernia repaired. When I arrived in the family waiting room they sent me to the cafeteria and I had a small breakfast with Tina and Maya Rose and Sabrina. Due an emergency appendectomy his and several other surgeries were delayed and we ended up waiting for and after until about 2:00 pm. I had taken a scarf in progress and sure enough I had enough nervous energy that now I am almost finished...it gave the girls something to study as I worked before they went to school and gave me the appearance of being calm...yes I said appearance. Tina was quiet and the weight of the world was visible on her young 29 year old face. Her eyes were pensive and filled with anxiety of "how much more can she bear up?" and at several times I found myself wanting to hold her in my arms like when she was a small child who never slept through the night...oh so many years ago. Now I try to amuse her and make her laugh...we talk about slow cooker recipes... let's go down and get some lunch... I meet a friend from my gallery days ... we talk about inconsequential matters...the minutes seem to tick slowly away. My fingers quietly moved in a rhythm that only I seemed aware of ...when did that little girl grow to be so tall? I am hoping they will keep Ryan in the hospital...but with no insurance I knew they would send him home without professional care and guarded medication for his recovery. When did the system continue to fall down the rabbit hole?

I went to the bank and then made a few errands and came home to my prepared spaghetti sauce for tonight's dinner with my Ken. Thank you all for your loving comments on my last posts...tomorrow I need to prepare for my volunteering at the Catholic school for their Creation Days ...a day when artist visit and demonstrate their processes for the young open minds. I need to fill my cup...with energy for creation. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart


Tina was three years old and Sherry was four years old on "Gotcha Day" on May 4,1984...

Rebel Without a Cause...

I know I should be sleeping...it is late after twelve...and I have to get up early...but this James Dean, Natalie Wood and Sal Mineo draw me into their teen turmoil every time. The angst... the loneliness... the dysfunctional families... the lack of communication. I was only five when this movie came out 1955. The roles of men and women were so well defined and rigid. Yet this movie rings true today...the problems are a little different but still so familiar. The teen years were not that happy for me...I was the oldest in the family...and this is how I should be a good example for my brothers and sister. "What do you really want?" "Learning to love someone." Taking risks...without thinking about the consequences...the first kiss... the rebellious yearning to find their own identity. Bullying was as prevalent then as it is today in the high schools if your were somewhat "different" from the norm...have we learned anything in the last 50 years?

Now I know why this won an Oscar... juveniles yearning to be themselves. Goodnight and dream of Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

Dennis Hopper is in this movie too...I never noticed before.

tea for Tuesdays...Persian Dreams

I have spent the day in...and it seems I did stay busy. My little sister asked what do I do? Why is it that when you work from home others sometimes question exactly what I do for work? She had had a very rough day so I let it pass. She is teaching in the worst middle school in Louisville,KY...it may be the worst in the state of Kentucky. Teachers have a very difficult occupation in today's fluctuating values and morals in our society. I listened to Colin Powell and his wife speak this morning to all of America to find one way to make a difference in a child's life. It really does not even matter what you share with a child who is overwhelmed and often feels alone...but you must use your talents and gifts and mentor a child. I thought about this all day as I worked with my art processes and listened to the soft voice of Leonard Cohen as I relived my youthful optimistic youth. I was one of the lucky ones...I have received Love in each decade of my life...this has made a difference when I face obstacles in my life...failed relationships, chronic disease and the normal losses we face as adults...yet I am still here. I am a strong, determined woman who lives each day to my fullest...because I have been loved and I can.

I worked on the delivery envelopes for my tea exchange and actually had a good time working freely and undisturbed...listening to my music and studying the wildlife outside my back door. I really enjoyed all the comments received from yesterday's tea excursion. If you are in the neighborhood I would love to share this joyful and serene shop. I could spend every penny in there but I will attempt to just taste and enjoy a taste of the world one blend at a time. I also worked on some ATC's and even painted a journal page without even thinking about the "what if" I can not do it right? Who says? Right or wrong? I just kept moving.

I also worked on my Hunger Moon photo that I am manipulating in so many processes. I did not like one step but after some thought I began reworking my marks and as it is drying I like what I am beginning to see come together. Yes, I know it is now March... I am moving slowly like my three toed sloth in the green mossy treetops. I hope to have it together by Friday so I will have another small work to share when I demonstrate for Creation Days at the Catholic elementary school this Friday from 7:45 am to about 3 pm. Whew that is a long day for us all! Wish me luck!

I am meeting my daughter Tina tomorrow morning to sit with her while her husband has surgery to repair a hernia. Then I need to get to the bank and check some facts...I am still trying to make ends meet in my dwindling checkbook and savings. maybe there will be a surplus stimulus for an artist that I have not heard about...:o). It is also my discount day at the Goodwill so maybe I can continue on my quest to "re-purpose" for my narratives for the exhibit.

"ring the bells that still ring,
forget the perfect offering.
there is a crack in everything...
that is how the light gets in."
Leonard Cohen

Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

tea...tea... and more tea... Petali Teas

beautiful woven tea towels fashioned into an apron....

50 different teas hand-blended in pristine white ceramic boxes...


I met a young woman today and her name fits her so well...Joy...on a Monday afternoon. I am participating in a tea exchange and went out on a crusade of sorts to find a unique, healing tea to share with my tea buddy. I was in a quest to find a very unusual tea shop in our area known as Mootz Run Tea House. in Alexandria. Well we are as a county, in the process of a stimulus package to improve our road system connecting Newark to Columbus and the path is torn up and very disrupting...one house has ODOT Sucks spray painted on their home. The exit to Alexandria is now non existent and we traveled all around the old highways with absolutely no luck to locate this tearoom. On the way home I asked Ken to drive down Broadway in Granville and discovered ...presto!!! a new tearoom named Petali Teas with an owner named Joy. She also owns Mootz Run Teas in Alexandria but due to the highway situation she decided to open this smaller shop of delights in downtown Granville. I felt as if I had walked into Shangrila ... or maybe a tea shop in Ceylon. The fragrances were soft and sweet. Every essential one gourmet might wish for in the Tea world was present before me for my sensual exploration. The colors and the light gentle entering the windows added to the ambiance and the center table was filled with teas from around the globe. Joy guided us in our first virgin selections and we wrote down the pertinent information on a beautiful turquoise envelope and she quickly filled with our envelop as we gathered a few more delicious flavors to savor until Spring comes back to town. Joy gave me a tea known as Persian Nights.. a blend of lapacho, pistachios, mango, papaya, schizandra berry, pomegranate and essence. This blend is beneficial for persons who are dealing with a brain tumor and assist in the healing process. Hot water at 212 degrees and one Tbsp. of loose tea and steep for 7 to 10 minutes. As I type I am enjoying this wonderful exlixir brew and its light fragrance and blend of flavors is quite nice. I am totally new to this tea process and next time I visit Joy I will find out what Lapacho is! :o)

Ken picked out Woodland Raspberry with elements of rooibus, vanilla, raspberries, hawthorn berries, blackberry leaves, rose petals, rose hips, heather blossoms and black currant leaves. one Tbsp. of loose tea in 212 degrees in your favorite teapot for 3 minutes and enjoy. We both selected French Lemon Cream... it sounds like dessert already. The elements are green rooibus, lemons, vanilla, calendula and essence. Brew this delicious tea for 5 to 7 minutes at 212 degrees. The last tea we are tasting is Caramel Apple with elements of green tea, caramel with milk and sugar, apples, pineapples and vitamin C. Steep this tea at 190 degrees for 3 minutes and sit back and enjoy a fat free delight in your favorite easy chair. This is kind of exciting to have a simple tea pleasure to share at the end of the day with someone you love. Joy does have a website at www.petaliteas.com and tell Joy you are part of our exchange group. I wish you could all go into this delightful oasis of serenity and fragrances to relish. Did I tell you she had orchids in small vases and a wonderful painting that she found in a small gallery in Chicago. I am putting up a few photos of our afternoon and feel free to go on line and share my adventure. Imagine and Live in Peace with a hand blended cup of natural teas steeped in your favorite teapot. Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart