Monday, August 8, 2011

Blue Monday....

I am heart sick about the loss of our beloved servicemen in Afghanistan this past weekend. I do not understand ....well any of this. The young families left without their beloved spouses and the children left without their fathers. I would love to reach out and comfort them...but my prayers will have to do for now. Please Lord above us all ...please allow this Hell to come to an end. War is never the answer ...I pray for Peace.

I am not involved with the world stock markets ( I do not have any money to say) so today just seems to make everyone watching the news...all around the world very unsure and uncomfortable. I am a fairly simple woman who attempts to pay her bills and find a way to give back to my community through volunteering in my humble limited manner. I buy my needed clothes from second hand shops and Goodwill...some of my students from YES are now working there. I picked up my 14 year old car today....the bumper shield needed repair, the driver's window needed to be put back on track and the rear end light needed replaced... so I might be able to drive it for a couple more years. I have very small savings...nothing like what the financial wizards guide us to save for a rainy day. I pack my lunch most days and there is nothing wrong with a peanut butter/jelly sandwich on whole grain breads. (Day old bread at that!) We have been to Michigan for a friends wedding and when I arrived home on Saturday and Ken picked up our week of mail...I received notification that I could not volunteer for Curious Kids on Tuesday at The Works tomorrow at 1:30 to 2:30. 60 minutes of simple drawing techniques with a splash of watercolors. You see the retirement board sees volunteer work as a JOB...even though no pay is exchanged! If I help someone at Hospice work in Art during their last weeks...this is a JOB not a volunteer outreach. If I help the library with a reading program...volunteer pay... this is a JOB! If I give an hour of art making with children on a Saturday for the "Art from the Heart" with the Licking Memorial Hospital...this is a volunteer JOB with no is all teaching! I could lie....I could pretend to ignore this nasty letter...I could "volunteer at a call center to prevent people from suicide attempts..." this was the volunteer work the advisor told me I could volunteer I could have taken a flying leap. I shared with her that I went into a very deep depression when I lost my job at the Licking County Arts and found happiness when I opened my studio last August. Making my ART ...visible for all...with a futon bed in my small office when I needed to rest or had heart palpitations or irregularities... a visible place that I pay for and finance myself to MAKE ART! I am so hurt...angry...lost ...feeling a BIG bully who controls my health insurance in their mean little hands. Mean people suck! I am working on a letter and will probably have to hire a lawyer so I can (...that costs real money...) to appeal to their good sense so I can remain sane and avoid another severe depression.

We did find a real sense of serenity in the woods of Michigan. The wedding went smoothly and the giddiness of the bride still can make me smile. My photos have inspired me to paint in watercolors the beauty of the wilderness. I will share some from time to time...and hopefully some of my impressions of Michigan's brushstrokes in the woods and the many vineyards. The people and the animals and the lakes were TV either so my blood pressure was a real low healthy number.

I have a confirmation...I do have Mononucleosis but I do not have a strep infection. I am overly tired and have swollen glands that are like golf balls in my neck. maybe that is why I have been crying all day..being sick and a bully advising me to cease and desist from offering free demonstrations or guidance to little children for an hour. Can you tell I am really angry??? Hopefully tomorrow will offer a new solution to my dilemma...I do not ask for much but I have worked for almost 24 years to educate myself in the life of an Artist so why can't I share with others. Peace be with you! Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

p.s. Check out the Guerilla knitting in downtown Traverse City, Michigan!


  1. I am so sorry you feel sad and depressed. Yes, mean people suck big time....I want to run back to the fifties where life made more sense. Rest and recoup. Take care of you...xox Corri e

  2. Dear Mary Helen. take care of yourself! The rest will resolve itself!I am not sure why they are saying the donated time is a JOB, but someone has it wrong!Feel better!

  3. I am so sorry you are having so many difficulties and frustrations. I don't understand these things either. Take care of yourself!

  4. Dear Mary Helen,
    So very sorry you are sick right now. That's terrible compounded with the sad situations in the external world and the unfairness of others to you. How very frustrating and of course- it would make anyone very sad and left with a feeling of not being able to be in control- which always makes us feel worse. Will send out healing prayers to you and hope that each new day brings you some peace. Know how much joy you bring to others and hope that this thought brings you some comfort. very best- Jill

  5. Mary Helen,
    I am so sorry to hear about the ridiculous letter you recieved. I do not have an answer for you but I will send up a prayer that one comes to you swiftly. As to the rest of the world, I have found myself sick at heart about it all and have finally decided to put on my favorite music and create. Blessings to you.

  6. Social Security keeps sending me notices that I have 14 hours of work or so needed to actually qualify for SS. They tell me to go back to work.
    Not in those words but that's the intent. I want to smack them upside the head. I worked in the home for 40 years. I "worked" at Hospice, as a advocate for children, so many, many volunteer jobs that didn't have any exchange of money. Not of value in their eyes but in your case somebody is actually telling you that it IS A JOB? amazing. I can understand and feel your pain. I tend to ignore letters that I don't like, anymore. Life is to short. If you really have something you want to say to me, come visit me. Let's have tea together and you talk and I'll listen, then I'll talk you you listen. lololsnort :)Bea

  7. Mary Helen ,
    I stumbled across your blog while "googleing" the Yarn Bomb The Hookers Of Traverse City created. I was tickled pink to see you posing with my drinking fountain cozy :-) I hope that luck has turned around for you and that you are doing better and feeling well these days. I am glad i found this blog because now i am aware of your gorgeous artwork which i hope to see more of in the future :-) - Best wishes, Jane