some days you are the windshield and others you are the BUG...

I found myself having a very quirky day where my electrical impulses were out of control and the gray rainy morning was no help at all. I have been researching Judith Scott and her works in the fiber world. She is an incredible inspiration to us all and knew almost instinctively how to gently integrate objects, ideas and prayers that do not seem to be related. A small quiet women who was imprisoned in a mental institution unjustly but still managed to nurture her inner white light of creativity. It appears that she did not need to have approval from others on her processes; but instead worked to honor her presence in this world and shared the gifts she gave so generously. I find inspiration from her steady dedication to the "what if" and I think of her often as I put one thread into my narrative. Without realizing it I am sharing a part of my soul for those who might want to see me...in my most vulnerable existence; a moment in time is documented stitch by stitch...bead by bead. If I stop to look at the whole quilt landscape I might not have the courage to continue on but if I work a little every day...in my moment of time...I can find the energy to journey on. I think this is one of the lessons I have learned and will continue to learn as I " renew and integrate" with other artists with an August; end of the summer processes shared globally.
I volunteered for Michelle today in the LCA gallery and then spent a couple of hours with Mary Thedos...just to visit and when I opened the apartment door to leave the sun was finally shining brilliantly. Simple gifts ...I so need to give and receive them.. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

poem flags.stimulus projects and continued conversations about disintegration

It was a moist rainy afternoon and we spent a couple of hours snuggled under a quilt and watched the movie"Doubt". Intriguing film for anyone who like me had a Catholic experience in my education. It is a thought provoking drama with several views of offenders and victims. It is not an easy story that is unveiled and yet it may ask more questions that the film answers. I think I need to see it again to take time for final analysis. I have too many personal memories and that might be complicating my understanding...who knows?
I spent the evening studying the other participant's disintegration projects and met another woman who lives in a log cabin in TN who also has had major brain issues and setbacks. Retracing what I thought I had already learned and yet I find myself stumbling in my thoughts and actions. I am affirming that I am held in the hands of a strong and gentle Supreme being...for me God will help me to let go of worry and anxiety. Maybe this is why I have had a very strong attraction to this whole concept of things that disintegrate. Now we all will work closely to renew and integrate these bits and pieces into a new project. Time will tell as we wait and play until the next reveal in August.
I was on a search and I found my beloved morning glory seeds that hopefully I will place in the soil tomorrow. For years, well since my childhood I have enjoyed witnessing these simple blooming jewels of pure color. Over the years I have been given a variety of seeds from friends and I like to think of them as blooming friends. I guess I better go to bed...I am rambling and will volunteer tomorrow in the gallery for Michelle. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

disintegration to integration...

I am like a little squirrel hustling around collecting soft, fiber design elements to integrate in the remnants from disintegration process with Seth. I have never before undertaken this journey in possibility and discovery. I have the same type of disintegration happening in my cabin studio and I realize how painful it is to hold onto too many bits and pieces. I see possibilities in small bits of evidence from my daily life but I have failed to follow through by taking the time; time due to me and my process, to actually complete the idea I had planned. NOW I am free being without a paying job (that I did truly love and my artists) but I find myself immobilized by the fear. Now with this next renewal project I am re-evaluating what I value to do with my time. I am slowly letting go...to find the time and space to make new marks; unknown marks for sure but I am allowing my intuition to guide me as a non-judgmental muse for my soul. If I stop to think about the unknown I will never achieve anything and with a little patience I will see with my mind's and heart's eye. I am organizing my 2009 notebooks of emails, poems, art criticisms and reviews plus personal family events and experiences.
This afternoon I sat on my backdoor step and studied the new ferns dancing and moving in an early Spring day. The sunshine seemed to provide the melodic movements of my beautiful perennial friends that grace my backdoor. Maybe tomorrow I will search the garage to find my morning glory seeds to add another concerto to my small secret garden. I may find seeds that I do not even know what they are but I will be living the ritual of integration. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

Sundance documentary days on Monday...

On Mondays my medicines take over and do their own little jig inside of my body...soooo I rest until the rumble and tumble settles down and watch Sundance channel specials on their programing of documentary films. I go to Architectural School at Tulane where this semester the students are rebuilding in New Orleans. The struggle with keeping History and improving the communities with affordable and hurricane proof buildings causes distress between the "then" and the " Now". The selected students work closely with a fatherly figure who guides them through delays, weather frustrations and neighborhood squabbles between the young men vs. young women. This aspect alone offered a spicy repertoire in the different opinions when solutions were needed in a timely manner.
Marc Jacob allowed a film crew to follow both his progression of styles in preparation for the New York Fashion week and the Paris Louis Vutton Gallery week. Normally Jacobs has kept his process, studios, staff and private collaborations with others from his global play ground in a private circle of few. Now he shares the stress and sleepless nights with the film crew and very little was left to question. Surprisingly he admitted to be intimidated by Artists and began first collecting portraits but has since moved into an accomplished collection of contemporary abstract works. Jacobs does not own a home or a car at least for now but prefers to have a deluxe gypsy life with nomadic tendencies that inspire his designs. The frenetic atmosphere of these annual shows with ongoing seasonal changes and almost all of his designs and shoes are created in just about every color; even if we do not get to see them all. One artist, a painter Elizabeth Peyton was featured as now a new friend and confident as Jacobs travels through the contemporary art scene.
If you are free and home on Mondays I am genuinely pleased with the diversity of ideas and contents Sundance film channel offers the viewers instead of mundane junk on regular TV. There is always the Discovery, HGTV, History and a multiple of vintage movies selections.
Late in the afternoon I began to feel slightly better but then the computer froze up on me...something to do with the telephone line and Windstream systems. Now I am back to working on my piece and ready to needle the night away. Have a great evening! Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

Happy Mother's Day Rose Marie....

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there; also for the fathers who support the mothers. Today was a very difficult day for me...my first one without Mom here on earth. Maya Rose reminded me that she is and always will be with me in my heart and my heart's work. Yesterday Ken and I help Chance and Erin with dinner for the "movers" as they attempted to collect, move and re-create and re-assemble furniture in its new location. Cole is two but has made four moves successfully and he assisted his grandpa in every possible way. "Come on Grandpa and Come on Grandma" have become heart warming words that I embrace with my heart. Today we took dinner over to Tina's family and we had a relaxing afternoon around the table the Maya, Sabrina and Hannah helped with the salad, table setting and frosting the cupcakes. The sunshine filled the backyard and we were all delighted when Hannah shared her new "froggie" underpants while she made me a special book. I spoke to my sister and my baby brother today just to re-connect with them and tell them how much I love them. In July we are all planning to meet in Louisville for the big family reunion...the first year the hole in our hearts is so large you can almost feel the pain and heartache even long distant. I have spent the last two days with music from my past and with the Alison Krause's "Union Station in Louisville" CD, "The Traveling Willburys" and a little of this and a lot of that. Music seems to ooze through my pores and speed into my toes and makes me want to dance...made you look.
Tonight I began watching the HBO's "Alzheimer's" five part special. Yes, it is enlightening and frightening at the same time but for those of you who have not ventured into this possible chapter in your lifetime you may want to catch this special. Maria Shriver is one of the producers and lives with this essence in transformation of humanity; her father has the disease and fails to recognize his family anymore. This thought provoking series will open up dialogues with those you love and may help assist you when have to face these decisions, information does not make it easier to digest but knowing we are not alone and help is available for families.
I was fortunate enough to be with my mother Rose Marie as she passed through this veil...I cried when I spoke these words...You can go now Momma; but she will continue to live in my life's work and journeys. I am the woman I am today because of her...determined, persistent, empathetic and growing in strength of my heart. I miss you dear Lady. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

Gross National Product gnp...Gross National Happiness...

As you well see by last nights typing errors maybe I will need another brain procedure in the near future. I am still Here! Some days are better than others but this afternoon I picked up Maya and Sabrina from Cherry Valley and then went to drop off forwarded mail from the LCA over at Mary Thedos...I was disappointed that she was not home because I miss her genuine insight and kindness. We went to the post office to pick up the stamps that remain 42 cents even after Monday's increase. The post office is having their rough financial issues right along with the rest of us. After a very quick stop off at JoAnn's for half off the remnants we headed back to my daughters and then I realized my key no longer works. We remained calm but Sabrina wanted to be inside and she needed some Tylenol for her headache/allergies?? Tomorrow we are cooking for the young movers in Reynoldsburg: lasagna, homemade spaghetti sauce, garlic bread, fresh spinach salad and carrot cake cupcakes and help them relax and celebrate their new home.
I worked in my dismantled studio tonight and even though to an outsider it looks like a disaster I am making headway. You have to take everything out of hiding to really know what you have available before you can totally make the reorganization work ...at least that is what "they" tell you. I found myself organizing and ironing fabrics for some work in a series I am working on and have been able to play a little more than I had done in the last couple of years. The standing still evolution...seems to be guiding me into a somewhat but new direction. I have been very blessed to hear from some of my artists who worked on the Seth project and we have compared notes on the power of working in isolation...the trick is finding a sense of balance. This fluctuates from day to day but it is a learning curve that I am appreciating with each new day. Have a great evening! Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

"Sistahs" at the King Arts Complex...are doing it by themselves

After four days of resting my back on and off a heating pad I made my way to Columbus to see the opening of "Sistahs" of the Arts...in the spirit of our Ancestors in the King Arts Complex. I felt as if I was witnessing the authentic soul of the season and the urban community of women making their marks. This exhibit was curated by Bettye Stull and is united to educate , inspire and provide a creative connection with artists and encouraging a diverse range of advancing the arts from a collective generous group of women. Queen Brooks, Lynn Logan Grimes, Debbie Jackson and Janet George were just a few of the artists that I have been fortunate enough to meet and learn from their marks in the art world. The audience of viewers was gracious and full of three generations of women...grandmothers, mothers, daughters and even little babies seemed to be captured by the rooms filled with colors and nacestral rythmns. This exhibit lasts until August so if you are downtown be sure to stop and take in the songs and voices of these incredible women.
I watched Michael J. Fox's special tonight on optimism and how we can nurture happiness with our own spiritual strengths. My mother struggled with Parkinsons as does Michael J. Fox and they both were fighters until my mother's passing last Fall. Remember to look for the next right ...even for now... right thing...you may not always feel up but attitude is absolutely everything. Bhutan is a country where instead of a GNP gross net product; they all create a country where they care for each other and nurture a GNH gross net Happiness. Bill Murray played golf with this Parkinson's survivor...it was a comedy in living the moment and still finding a positive spin on this atheletic endeavor. I live with my gift ( a chronic progressive disease) and even though the detours have been unforeseen, I know I have everything I need even if at times I fail to recognize this fact. I am looking forward to reading his book when it comes out. I felt a real connection when the discussion of optimism and the lives of artists who perservere modeled the importance of community and family support. I need to get back to my work...one stitch at a time... but this is my work.

moisture in the atmosphere...

My ferns are breaking through the warming earth...
moisture in the atmosphere envelops my hillside
the creatures are seeking a safe place to hide until the raindrops stop
and old friends have re-entered my life after a twenty years absence.
My ferns are unfolding in the moist inviting climate
opening in a visible dramatic act of trust and faith
much like an old friend who reappears in my heart
to celebrate the moment of jubilation...together
as if we were never separated over the time spent apart
Perennial fiddle heads announce their arrival
in my garden ...in my heart.
I treasure these whispers and echoes from my cherished past.

Today I have heard from other participating artists in the disintegration project; many from remote areas on our planet Earth. I also received guidance from an artist/author who is attempting to guide me through this process in creating a one person exhibit. She shared some of her photos from the ODC exhibit on her blog "Uncommon Threads" by Gayle Pritchard. She is a gifted and generous artist and now we have realized we share the next phases of our lives as artists. I continue my slow process with one stitch after another and know I need to nurture patience and just do the best I can with the tools I now possess. My vision is precarious on some days ...but I am still here! Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

Rough winds do shake the darling buds....

Today was an important election for education in our county and the technical school is losing 90 to 10, Northridge lost by 100% negative and we have yet to hear about our Newark public schools. The day was clear and warm but turn out could have been better. So many residents are struggling and unemployment is 10% and rising. I honestly do not know what will be tomorrow's plans if this election goes down again. Rough winds are blowing here in the old home town.
I am slowly regaining motion and movement in my back but how fragile the human body and skeleton is and yet so vital for the quality of life. Hopefully with continued rest, smooth stretches and slow gentle movements I know I can be on the path to normalcy. I am cautious to plan too many activities so that I can go to King Arts Complex on Thursday for Queen Brooks and Lyn Logan Grimes opening. This exhibit is a collaboration of women and their personal narrative stories and inspirations to share for the next six weeks. I am anxious to study their marks and colors as I continue to research my whispers and echoes pieces.
I have been hearing from Australia, Africa, England and Scotland about the disintegration project as well as from all over the USA. We are all waiting for the "next step" in this collaboration and where this process will transport our spirits. Transformation is a very strong wave when it first begins and seems to pick up energy as the artists unite in the procession of thoughts, words and ideas. I am back to work for now. I am waiting for an email from Gayle Pritchard, we reunited on Sunday and she is guiding me in my book quest. Gayle is working on an autobiography for Susan Shie and her life as an artist. Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart